My phone rang at 10:36 am PT last Wednesday. It was my husband, Patrick, from inside the house. I answered, wondering if he had fallen and couldn’t get up. Instead, he says, “I know something you don’t know!” I knew it had to be big. That’s when he told me about the big Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce engagement news.
I shouted with joy and excitement, unaware in the moment that I was one tiny drop of water in a tsunami of joy that rippled across the world. (Don’t believe me? Here is just one reel of reactions.) In 43 minutes, their announcement had 5.9 million likes. At the time of this writing, it has 33 million likes, two days later. And with that, we all had a national holiday dropped on us with no warning whatsoever.
How is it that we find ourselves so emotionally invested in the life of a person we’ve never met? It’s a question that transcends ‘just being a fan’ and touches on the power of storytelling to forge deep connections.
“Stories are the primary psychic unit of being alive.” Pause and consider that a moment. It’s the central tenet of narrative psychology that Bruce Feiler and many others write about. Essentially, it means that humans make sense of our lives through stories, and we internalize personal narratives.
Taylor Swift gives millions the narratives to do exactly that and in case you aren’t paying attention to her, I wanted to show you a few examples so together, we can all make sense of this phenomenon: how she connects so meaningfully with millions and millions of people that we are crying over her engagement announcement as if we just got engaged, traveling around the world to see her, middle-aged men dressing up as back up dancers to share an experience with their daughters. If you are not watching with curiosity as she builds this billion-dollar empire, you are losing out on some valuable lessons, but don’t you worry because I’m here for you. Let’s explore the question so we can learn, become better leaders, and be better people.
How did we get here? Where does connection begin?
A superficial exploration of lyrics* will show how the stories Taylor Swift tells make connections and support my point that the most powerful stories are real, relatable, and riveting. *Entire books could be dedicated to this, so to do this in a few paragraphs is barely doing her work justice. But here I go anyway.
Her stories are real because they are her real emotions, insecurities, hurt, and joy. By sharing her disappointments, love, and heartbreak so poetically, she’s created a generation of people who’ve grown up with her and experienced life alongside her.
From You Know You Can Do it With a Broken Heart
- “I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it’s an art. You know you’re good when you can even do it with a broken heart.”
Raise your hand if you have never had to show up to a meeting, presentation, or even though something was falling apart behind the scenes.
From Anti-Hero
- It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me
- At tea time, everybody agrees
- I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
- It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero
About this, she said, “We all hate things about ourselves, and it’s all of those aspects of the things we dislike and like about ourselves that we have to come to terms with if we’re going to be this person. So I like ‘Anti-Hero’ a lot because I think it’s really honest.”
I’m not suggesting that as a leader, you should write meaningful poetry that reveals your darkest secrets. Candor, honesty, the real stuff go a long way to earn the trust of your stakeholders. To make your ideas heard, show you care about something, and why you care about it (or why you don’t).
In Tears Ricochet
- I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace
- And you’re the hero flying around, saving face
- And if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?
- Cursing my name, wishing I had stayed
- Look at how my tears ricochet
Some interpret this as a song about a breakup, but it is supposedly about the recording industry and the studio that owned her masters, which she has since purchased. It doesn’t matter which is right. Stories are moments where the receiver can see themselves. They feel seen, a sense of belonging, perhaps they see themselves in a way they hadn’t before. In our seeming solitude, we feel less alone. That’s relatable.
“A writer lays down the words, but they are inert. They need a catalyst to come to life. The catalyst is the reader’s imagination.” – The Storytelling Animal, Jonathan Gottschall
She doesn’t create new emotions; she gives language to existing ones. Soccer legend Abby Wambach said, “She’s telling me how I feel!”
When we give people a sense of belonging like that, they become emotionally invested.
I mentioned her at dinner one night with a group of older men. One of them asked, “Is she the one who writes about her ex-boyfriends?” My response: Like any artist, they write about their lived experiences. Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton also write about their ex-girlfriends, no? Yet, no one is complaining about them. An excerpt here from Swift’s The Man might be timely:
The Man:
- I’m so sick of running as fast as I can
- Wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man. (cause if I was a man, I’d be the man)
AND:
- They’d say I hustled,
- Put in the work
- They wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve;
- What I was wearing;
- If I was rude.
- Could all be separated from my good ideas and power moves?
So calm down.
Oh – I left that song out! From Calm Down:
- You are somebody that I don’t know
- But you’re taking shots at me like it’s Patrón
- And I’m just like “Damn, it’s 7:00 a.m.”
- Say it in the street, that’s a knock-out
- But you say it in a Tweet, that’s a cop-out
- And I’m just like, “Hey, are you okay?”
Connection happens one story at a time. A storytelling culture, over time, builds community. The signs to look for, strive for: When the relationship extends beyond the one-to-one teller-listener dynamic to a many-to-many connection, where the story becomes a shared experience among a large group of people, fostering a sense of belonging and unity.
Consider the “Taylor Swift Effect” on NFL viewership. Two guys who used to watch football alone are now watching with their kids and wives, all singing along to songs they never thought they’d know. Swift didn’t just gain new fans—she created new family traditions, new revenue streams, and new cultural moments.
The business of human connection is riveting
Returning to the question at hand: Why are so many millions of us so emotionally invested in this? Through her stories, we know her, we feel her, and she’s helped us to know ourselves better.
And this? It’s the ultimate love story arc. And now, we all rejoice because the guy got the girl, the girl got the guy, and both have their “happy ending.” It’s the great news we didn’t realize we needed in a difficult news cycle.
The opposite of schadenfreude is freudenfreude (having joy for others’ joy), and it’s really, really good for you.
In her New Heights podcast interview, Taylor said, “I’m in the business of human connection.”
Aren’t we all? It’s next-level leadership, and it’s going to require more of us. The best talent has a choice of where they want to work. They choose purpose. Donors, customers – same. The competitive edge is getting people emotionally invested in you. The stories we tell are the currency – not price, salary, or benefits.
The experiences in our stories are unique to us, but the emotions are universal — and when you connect to emotions and purpose, people engage with that. When we link our ideas to purpose, we create community. Friendship bracelets might not get passed around your company, but there is a sense of belonging.
More importantly, the soft skill of storytelling is a highly lucrative skill with very concrete outcomes. If one person can build a billion-dollar empire, imagine what you can do.
If you’re still here, thanks for indulging my latest obsession. This was fun.
Take care out there.
When you’re ready, here are a few ways I can help you and your team:
Need to get better at telling your story? (Or the story you tell yourself!) I can work with you one-to-one or with your team to help you prepare for your next presentation, pitch, or even navigate your next big change.
Pause in Provence is now full! Thank you for your interest—it’s going to be a beautiful gathering. If you’d like to be added to the waitlist (in case a spot opens up or we offer a second week), we’d love to hear from you. Stay tuned for a look inside the experience and what might be next.
Looking for an engaging speaker? I deliver inspiring keynotes that help people connect to their stories and each other to better engage their teams, customers, and communities.
See a video showcasing my work here and if you need help with one of the items below, let’s schedule a time to talk.
Need something else you think I can help with? I’d love to connect.
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